We might go to the (Dark) Magic Kingdom

So there is a potential trip in the future of the Valdyke family to Disney, all depending on Gettysburg's Schedule

Being from Central Florida, I have some insights into the the Magic Kingdom this time of year. And as the title line suggests, what they forget to tell you is that it is the Dark Magic Kingdom.

Don't get me wrong, the parks can be a cool place. It is all about timing. If you go between October 1st and March 15th (beware the Ides of March) it looks like this

But between March 16th and September 30th this is what you get

Even the Trolley that takes you from your parking spot to the gate is just a little overwhelming

Just try keeping your arms and legs inside the vehicle with 17 adults and 32 small children to a row.

That is even WHEN you find a parking spot which is inevitably the furthest from any point of ingress to the park.

The phenomenon is caused in part by 2 factions of park goers. The Super Disney Fanatic and the Hyper Efficient Asian Tour Group/Family, both of whom wake up at 0300 to get to the park at the precise moment the gates open...

Where as a normal human being will get up at 8 and then spend the next 2 hours trying to coral children and get sunscreen on etc. etc.

I am now going to walk you through what an experienced Disney goer mentally prepares for on a trip to this so called "Happiest Place on Earth"- apparently the only other contestant for that title was Auschwitz.

First of all you should feel like you are fully equipped for battle

While the one on the left meets the bare minimum, I suggest being no less armoured and equipped than the Space Marine on the right.

Next you need to mentally prepare yourself. No less than 6 hours the night before and 30 minutes the day of should be spent doing this. The idea is to give your self such a head ache that no other pain in the world can compare. I use the same trick for attending the DMV with a 95% success rate. It has about a 5% success rate for Disney...

Now for the day of. Most people don't realize that Central Florida is a an impenetrable network of Toll Roads with a single exception, the nightmarish hell of I-4 (yet another contestant for "The Happiest Place on Earth). Assuming you aren't from FL and manage to navigate yourself through this labyrinthine network of quarters and dollar bills, you get to the parking lot as previously discussed. Now if you don't want to take the trolley or the monorail you also have the choice of taking a ferry. This ultimately feels more like the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan.

Now this just gets you up to the ticket gate, where you proceed to shell out ghastly amounts of money for the excruciating "pleasure" of attending the park. This is most comparable to a trip to the dentist to get your wisdom teeth removed or root canal surgery. So once you paid for all the adults in your party (ages 18 months and up) you shuffle like the walking dead down the main street, trying to decide if the World of Tomorrow or Adventure land should be your first stop (the 2 closest to the entrance). However the youngest adult able to come up with a coherent thought in your group (age 4) wants to go to the back of the park first, so naturally that is what you will do. This ends up being comparable to Frodo's journey to and across Mordor.

Along the way you get to see such pleasurable sites as
-Overweight Scottish family
-American trailer park family with matching rat tails and/or mullets
-Pasty white British Thighs.
-Giant Hong Kong tour group with flags
-Rambunctious barely contained Church group with a ratio of 1 adult to 55 children (aka adults at Disney). Fortunately they are all in horribly designed yellow t-shirts with white lettering, the eyesore being easier to track through the multitudes.
-Norwegian blonde viking clan

Finally you get to your ride of choice, and for the sake of this article it will be "It's A Small World".

You now get to spend 90 minutes plus waiting to see an attraction that was considered mildly amusing in the 1950s because of robotic and animatronics. I guess a horribly high pitched repetitive song is enough to keep the masses enthused for generations.

Rinse and Repeat. That is your day. Someplace in the middle you attempt to find sustenance in the form of ridiculously overpriced burgers or a turkey drum the size of an elk leg.

At the end of the day you either wait a miserably long time for a parade and firework show to attempt to justify your day

Or you make the smart decision and escape while the hint of sunlight still lingers and get back to where you truly are happy... your home.

Oh but wait you bought a 5 day park hopper pass! YOU GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!

He's Perfect. Or...is he?

No one knows my child better than I do. I don't try to push my son to be someone I think he should be. I give him a choice if I can. Usually if it's a snack, anything I have at the house will be something he'll eat. When we go out to eat, I usually am so limited that he doesn't have a choice. He doesn't get to pick what we do everyday, what he wears (mostly), or where we go. He also doesn't get to pick who he is.


None of us do. He is already who he's going to be. Ever since he was a wee baby barely mobile, he was very comfortable observing the world around him. He has been a quiet baby when in public, simply being entertained by being invisible and keeping to himself.

So why did I try to force strongly encourage my son to make friends at the park? I am an introvert. I know how hard it is to talk to people you don't know. It's much more pleasant to be by myself. I hated group projects (still do). Other people just slow me down and get in my way. I have a nice time doing whatever it is I want without interference.

I believe that introverts are generally not accepted. In school, students are punished if they don't speak up. So for people like me who think, speak, and solve internally, we often receive lower evaluations simply because we are being ourselves. When we choose to enjoy the peace and quiet of being by ourselves, we get called "impersonable." Impersonable is not the case at all. In fact we like being around people, just people we are close to, especially the one we know best-- ourselves.

I had to check myself for pushing my son to go interact with other kids at the playground. He is very kind and polite. He isn't rude or harming anyone. I am not going to keep him at home, secluded, and away from other people. But I will not force my child to be someone he's not.

It's been 3 years

Yesterday was mine and Evan's 3rd anniversary. When Evan and I first got married I told him that our anniversary would change depending on the deployment schedule. It is a dynamic date that can only be celebrated when we are together, so that we would never have to "celebrate" it being apart.

We were fortunate enough to have to means and opportunity to visit each other in Dubai during his longest ever deployment. We really needed the break from our everyday routines. This year we were able to celebrate and acknowledge our anniversary earlier than normal. In the previous years, it was a few days late and last year was on the 4th. He had to switch duty days in order to get the Fourth off. I thought I was lucky when it was magically special he had duty on the 3rd but the 4th was off. I didn't find out until later that he had to switch to make it so. Overall, the world hates us. No, just kidding. If the world hated us, I would not have gotten to spend so much time with my husband like the 12/36 months I have...

In all seriousness, I am glad that I married Evan. Not many people (hardly anyone) know this, but I almost didn't enter the church for anxiety reasons. I don't know what I was afraid of. And as I was walking down the aisle, I felt like a robot, just going through the motions. I was about 2/3rds of the way to the altar when I thought, "Wait, what did I just do?" I wanted to stop the ceremony and start over, but then as anxiety would have it, that would have been embarrassing and would have caused more anxiety, so I decided to keep going with it and watch the video after to see what I did. Did you know I almost tripped at the beginning? That's one of the reasons I wanted to start over. I was wearing heels on a tile floor, scary stuff when they weren't worn and broken in. But it was an obvious choice to marry this guy.

Even though I would have loved to have spent the last 36 of 36 months with this guy, to me it honestly makes me still have the same love for him as when we were first married. If the honeymoon stage only lasts for the first two years, then I've got another six years to feel this way for him. And if the military has anything to do with, it will be six years. Kidding again! But if you've ever experienced a deployment, you get used to a new normal every time you are apart. Then you have to get used to living with someone. Do that enough times and it drives you batty. You can't live with him; you can't live without him.

Hopefully next year we will be able to celebrate our anniversary on Dec 4th. Until then, I am as I ever shall be,
Yours.

A Word from Jennifer

I haven't written in a very long time. And that had a lot to do with being in a car wreck, trying to find a job, being pregnant, and then taking care of Gabriel. A lot has happened since I last wrote. The reason I'm here now writing again is because I feel like I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. It takes up my whole life and I'm constantly thinking about it. The only time I don't think about it is when I'm sleeping. Fortunately, I have yet to have a dream about it. It's my only escape. What is it that has consumed my every thought? Gabriel multiple food allergies. (Read the bold for a shortened version).

History
No one in my family has food allergies. Evan doesn't have food allergies. How was I to suspect that our son would have food allergies? I don't think that people expect or estimate a chance that their children will have food allergies unless they deal with them themselves. It has completely changed my life. And I know that this is almost definitely going to be a permanent feature of our lives. Unless and until there is a cure for this, he will be considered "special needs" due to the special precautions needed to keep him safe.

I first noticed something was wrong when he was a month old. He had a rash all over his torso, face, and in the creases of his limbs. I learned he had eczema and I should treat it by applying hydrocortisone cream. Months went by and it was still an issue. It wasn't clearing up even though I was using prescription strength hydrocortisone. Through my own research I learned that eczema and food allergies are linked. My next step was to eliminate common allergens. Most babies have a difficult time processing cow's milk protein and soy. Since I didn't eat any soy, I cut out all dairy. (I breastfed Gabriel, and the protein from cow's milk can pass into breast milk.)

Eating and drinking zero amounts of dairy was no easy task. I made it a challenge for Lent to give up all dairy. It was easier for me when I thought about the reason why I was doing it. When I pass along cow's milk proteins to Gabriel, it caused his skin to inflame and itch. He would scratch his head when he got tired or if he woke up while sleeping. We tried wrapping him while he slept, but that couldn't keep his little hands from making his face and scalp bleed. We tried cutting his fingernails, putting mittens on his hands, putting Aquaphor all over him. None of those things worked until I eliminated dairy. Within two weeks of Lent, his body wasn't red all over. He slept better. People noticed and commented on how well his skin looked. When other people notice, you know it's working.

As he got older, I started to introduce foods. I didn't give him dairy since I knew that was something he already had trouble with. One day I gave him scramble eggs for breakfast. After tossing his cookies within the hour and diarrhea the rest of the day, I figured that eggs (in eggy forms) were out of the question for him (but in baked goods was okay).

Fastforward a little. There was that one time my brother Josh let Gabe have a bite of his pb&j breakfast bagel. With just the smallest taste, his face broke out in hives. Peanuts were out. Up until this point (8 months old and avoiding dairy, egg, and peanut) I'm okay. In my research, I learned that with dairy and egg, my kids outgrow those allergies before starting school. Peanuts, he had a mild reaction and people have paved the way for people with peanut allergies so it could be easy to avoid.

A few days before his first birthday, I decided to make homemade pesto since the store-bought ones I had seen contained dairy. I found a recipe that called for cashew to make up that creamy texture. I made the pesto, gave Gabriel a small taste and went back to stirring. I'm busy making dinner and he's at my feet whining and pawing to be picked up. I look down and notice his cheeks are red. I picked him up to wash his face. It was worse than I thought. His lips were swollen and blistered. There were hives on his cheeks. He was rubbing his eye. I began to panic. I didn't know what to do because this was something I've never in my life experienced before. I didn't know how bad it was going to get. I really did think that he was going to go into anaphylactic shock. I buckled him in his carseat (I debated if I should hold him or buckle him) and took off for help.

We eventually made it to the ER. He was given benadryl and some steroids. His reaction didn't progress thankfully. The doc gave him a prescription for the EpiPen Jr. that I now carry around with me religiously. It probably puts all religions to shame how I never go anywhere without it. I had a skin prick test done and he tested positive for the known allergens stated above. The allergist wouldn't test for anymore because he doesn't believe in over-testing and didn't want any false positives. He's enough for another story another day.

How I really feel about it all
The cashew is what sent my over the edge. His severe reaction is what hit me that this is real. This is a very real thing for us. Some food allergies come and go. Peanuts and tree nuts are typically there to stay. That's when I knew that our life was going to be forever changed. And it has. He is different. This way of life is very different for me. He will be limited in what, how, where he is able to eat. This requires a lot of pre-planning and preparation on my part. Anytime there is food involved with social activities, I have to find out what is being served, what is safe and not safe, then bring his own food just in case, and keep other peoples' food away from him because we all know he will find it, and put caution tape on him so that other people know that he can't eat food unless it's from me. If you've ever taken care of a 1 year old, then you know you get tired from just watching them run around. I have to physically follow him so he's not touching or eating anything that could kill him (I'm talking food not about swallowing pennies here, but that also counts).

The big thing that makes me feel like I can't talk to anyone because I don't know anyone who goes through the same thing is when I walk through the grocery store, I want to cry because he is severely limited. At this point I know where in the store I need to go to get the exact product and brand that is safe for him. And even then I still check the labels. Meal planning is frustrating because I feel like we eat the same thing over and over due to the restrictions. Fortunately he loves fruit, and vegetables can be a hit or miss. I try to keep things fresh by introducing new foods and recipes but it's so hard. For every 100 recipes out there I surf through, he can have maybe 1 or 2. It's taxing on me emotionally and since Evan is deployed the burden falls solely on me. I don't have a shoulder to lean on or someone I can bounce ideas off of. Being the dam and the river is hard work. It's constant pressure battling to see who can stay up the longest. It's either "this isn't fair!" or "this is our life now!" and there's no one who knows what it's like.

You can feel sorry for me. You can feel sorry for us. It doesn't help. Even though people say they want to help, they still don't do as good of a job as I do because it's not serious for them. It's not real for them. When you panic the way I did and see your child swell up and wonder if he's going to die because of something you gave him, then shit gets real. I live with this threat everyday. Anytime we are at the playground with other kids there and they've brought food. Or we are at the grocery store and passing by the nuts is unavoidable. Whenever a friend or family member touches him and I don't know if they've washed their hands and face. The threat is there and it's real for me. And I carry this burden alone. No amount of apologies or hugs is going to change the fact that I live a very different life than anyone I know.

Duba-Duba-Duba-Dubai

So I am STILL on deployment for those of you who don't know or haven't been following mine and Jennifer's life with the due diligence that you should be. HOWEVER, for the past week I have had leave in Dubai, UAE. It has been awesome and fun.

Here is a recap of some of the stuff we have done:

So Dubai is home to the worlds largest mall. This mall is so large it has an ice skating rink and an aquarium/underwater zoo (code for smaller aquarium). So Jennifer and I did both! We started with the ice skating. We looked something like this:

Okay it was a little more like this:

Afterwards we went to the Aquarium and Underwater Zoo (read smaller aquarium). It was pretty cool as they had one of those underwater tunnel things so you could see the underside of water (a view typically reserved for drowning people). Getting the animals to cooperate was easy:

 FISH BUTT

We continued onto the underwater zoo, which had exciting things like Piranhas

And creepy crawlies like the Iguana

I even found Joel Garrett

The following days we went on a desert sunset safari... which would have been truly amazing had it not been the one day of the year that it happened to rain in the desert. If only I had such luck with the lottery. But it was still pretty cool, as we went dune bashing (I brought my baseball bat I use for bashing but I guess there was a different definition in this case). It basically involved driving around irresponsibly at reckless speeds over awesome dunes which I believe I would have been perfectly qualified for.

After that we went to a base camp where we had "delicious barbeque" consisting of over cooked kababs and boney bits of chicken gristle. After dinner, we were treated to a traditional belly dance, which looked like a fillipino in vinyl leopard print. While there we also got to ride a camel which was a little like riding a pony at an 8 year olds party... WHICH MEANT IT WAS AWESOME.

We finished up our big stuff by going to the Burj Khalifa, which is the tallest building in the world. It had quite a spectacular view

And there was no glare to ruin any of our photos

ANYWAY expect more real photos on facebook sometime (almost definately from Jennifer rather than me) in the near future (and from me in the far future... like boldy go where no on has gone before far future OR for my friends a Grim Dark future).